Logs:Eurovision Party 2017

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Eurovision Party 2017

Dramatis Personae

Aurore, Juliette, Sebastian Jäger, Toyah

13 May, 2017

People gather for the 2017 iteration of the song contest.


A Bar

Another year, another edition of the greatest song contest in the universe! The small bar has been decked out with various European flags as an even smaller crowd gather to watch the Eurovision Song Contest from Kyiv, Ukraine. Toyah is there in her yellow top and blue shorts - and a Swedish flag draped over her shoulders.

The broadcast starts with scenes of the Ukraine...and lots of balls. "C'mon, Sweden!" she whoops as she lines up her shots of vodka.

It begins with each of the competitors being introduced with exploding flags. Toyah stares. "There's a lot of them." She orders some more shots.

As last year, Aurore has turned up to enjoy one of the few events to rival the Superbowl for gaudily over the top silliness. Her laptop's spoofing its IP address, so that she can get Graham Norton's (in)famously sarcastic commentary in one ear. Flashing a broad grin at Toyah, she laughs, raising a glass to the blonde. For her own part, she's clad in party gear... with Australian and Australian Aboriginal flags attached to her laptop.

Toyah returns the salute. "Is it just me or are they getting younger? I'm pretty sure that the Bulgarian guy is also representing Slytherin." The three hosts show up to do their shtick in mannered English. "I wonder if the Russians will hack the votes?"

Laughing, Aurore shakes her head. "You might well be right there. And I hope not, but...." Her voice trails off as she double-takes: beneath the huge declaration at the back of the stage 'Celebrating Diversity', the hosts prove to be three white men. "Woah. They... really embraced that motto. I suppose only one's *blond* and white."

"Hey, white men have it hard" Toyah notes playfully. And then the first one is up. Israel. A party song.

"A fit guy in a mesh shirt. What's not to like?" smirks Toyah. "Though I did like the plinky ukulele in there." The next one up is Poland...in a very revealing dress that has Toyah sitting up straighter. "First ballad?"

"I'd guess so," Aurore says... also paying rather more attention to the Polish singer, before snorfling at Graham Norton's explanation that 'her brother will be fiddling with her on stage tonight.' "Nice voice," she manages to say as the white-clad performer and her black-clad violinist sibling appear.

"So this is called 'Fleshlight'? Oh...no...'Flashlight'" Toyah corrects herself. "Meh" is her assessment before a shot is downed. Next up is Belarus - a hippyish duo with 'Story of My Life'. And they perform on a boat?

"Dressed like hippies at a wedding, according to at least one commentator," Aurore observes, cocking her head as she studies them. "Sound rather like Mumford and Sons, though I haven't a clue what they're singing about. Of course, that might be a mercy."

"That was jaunty. With lots of 'hey-yos'. Very Lumineers...and some heavy snoggng at the end. So what did the boat have to do with the story of their life?" Toyah shouldn't ask such questions. Next up is Austria. A rather smiley man singing on a moon.

"Winged boots? Is he meant to be referencing Hermes, or perhaps even Perseus? But... I think I might be reading too much into it."

Thus far, the Fallcoast Eurovision Party is fairly low-key: Toyah, clad in the blue and yellow of the blonde's native Sweden, has a row of shots lined up to keep her company while she watches. Aurore, meanwhile, is in party gear (most notably a short skirt and thigh boots), with one ear linked to a feed from her laptop - which is picking up the British feed. She has two little flags attached to her computer; one Australian, the other Australian Aboriginal.

On-stage at present, a woman in black and silver sings amidst swirling dry ice, lit in red and white.

"I think what Austria has going for it is that ten people have won in white suits. It's karma! Or luck." Toyah notes before Armenia steps up. A woman gyrating through a mid-tempo track. At least so far. When two dancers show up to help it's very much live-action snake charming. "Did we get to the chorus yet?"

"I quite liked that. It was... at least fairly different," Aurore muses, head cocking to one side. "The Netherlands next. Apparently they like shopping..."

Thus far, the Fallcoast Eurovision Party is fairly low-key: Toyah, clad in the blue and yellow of the blonde's native Sweden, has a row of shots lined up to keep her company while she watches. Aurore, meanwhile, is in party gear (most notably a short skirt and thigh boots), with one ear linked to a feed from her laptop - which is picking up the British feed. She has two little flags attached to her computer; one Australian, the other Australian Aboriginal.

The current performers are a trio of sisters from the Netherlands, singing in close harmony with music that bounces between Queen-style rock and something funkier.

Next up is Holland's answer to Destiny's Child. Three sisters in sequined black singing about crying no more...as you do. It does kick up in tempo near the end. "Not my kind of thing" Toyah frowns.

It looks like Aurore is supporting Australia while Toyah is supporting Sweden - of course. Now some banter with the fans singing Volare - an old Eurovision song.

And now it's Moldova's turn. Sax Man is back!

Juli arrives late, AS USUAL. "Sup, bitches? How many drinks am I behind?"

"...that was planned?", Aurore asks in disbelief, as the interlude with the fans staggers to a close.

Co-ordinated leg movements should never be dismissed. "They're called the Sunstroke Project?" But it's bouncy and fun...which is how things should be. "Wait. So they're marrying the back-up singers? Isn't it called 'Hey Mamma'?"

"Half a dozen" Toyah replies to Juliette's drink query. "Catch up. Quick."

Watching the screen, before even getting a chance to catch up on the drinking game, Juli claps. "I want one of those dresses. FANCY."

Next up is Hungary. A man with a top knot and a gypsy jacket. Why not?

"Is he playing a metal milk jug?" Toyah inquires as a violinist fiddles and a dancing girl joins the singer for a dance behind flames. "And now he's rapping?" She knocks back a shot. "I admire him for fitting in as much as he can in three minutes, though Romania has rapping /and/ yodeling."

"I liked Moldova's microphone-in-the-bouquet idea," Aurore observes, after eyeing Juliette for a few moments... though none of her alarm bells are currently being rung by the stranger. "And *that*, apparently, is a miniature milk churn."

Italy is up next. The favorite. Complete with dancing gorilla and back-up singers dressed as Starfleet members (original 60s Star Trek).

Toyah, to her shame, finds herself bobbing along to the Italian song until a background projection has her asking, "Was that a picture of Fallopian tubes? I think it's about the evolution of humanity...or just a reason to have a gorilla in a bow tie."

Next up is Denmark featuring an Australian singer who won The Voice in 2014.

"Supposedly, the suit is supposed to remind us all that we're just naked apes," Aurore notes, sounding rather dazed.

"Naked except for a bow tie" Toyah points out as Denmark's lady in red belts out her song in front of a sparkling waterfall. Health and safety be damned. "She's got a strong voice but this isn't my cup of tea...or vodka shot."

Next up is Portugal, singing a song written by his sister. His heart issues mean he can't be away from his doctor's for longer than a week so he missed out on rehearsals.

Juli finally catches up on her drinkings. "Italy is fun. I will tolerate them winning if Portugal gets second."

Toyah doesn't want to say anything while the Portugal entry sings barely above a whisper. "It's certainly different" she says softly when he is done...and 'amusing banter' from the hosts takes center stage. Next up is Azerbaijan and some fancy staging. Fancy is a relative term.

"Portugal's one was pretty, but... I'm not sure it's that memorable," Aurore muses. "The Danish-Australian was pretty, too, but I doubt her song'll stick in the mind."

Juliette grabs a drink. "HORSE MASK," and takes a drink. Must be playing by different rules.

"What does a guy wearing a horse's head have to do with skeletons?" Toyah muses. "But it was interesting." Croatia is up next; the singer a judge on the Croatian Voice. Though it begins with a spoken introduction. His jacket half tuxedo and half leather.

"That sparkling waterfall is getting a workout again" laughs Toyah...until she is dumbstruck by bass turning into falsetto. "He's having fun at least. He could do the Galileo bits of Bohemian Rhapsody by himself." Next up is Australia.

Aurore laughs, shaking her head. "I wonder if that could be the Lordi moment this year. That was mad, but fun."

"Another mid-tempo song" Toyah notes about the Australian entry. "The kind that would actually be a hit though it may be too much of a grower to make an impression. Oh...are we halfway through? More drinks!"

Greece is up next with Demi...a law student. And semi-naked male dancers.

"HOLOGRAMS," cries Juli, followed by another drink.

"Not enough upbeat trance dance numbers this year. And where is the heavy metal? At least Greece is catering to the first group. Though never sure about dance moves that have he dancers sniffing their own armpits" offers Toyah before smirking at Juliette's astute observation.

Next up is Spain with 'Do It For Your Lover'. Folk rock?

Juli blinks. "Is that van dancing?" A pause. "Oh, it's on the screen. MORE HOLOGRAMS." Drink.

"I guess Spain has beaches. That song is very much the kind you play around a fire...and then throw the guitars on the flames when you realise you'll never be any good." Toyah is in a sour mood over that one.

Next up is Norway with a Daft Punk relative in the 'band'.

Aurore winces as the Spanish lead singer's voice cracks a couple of times. "They were trying hard to be cheerful?"

"That was pleasant enough eletro pop" Toyah offers about Norway. "Obviously it is a poor Scandinavian country compared to others but it was okay." Now there is a skit involving last year's host. Time for another round of drinks.

Next up is the United Kingdom. They have not been doing well lately.

The doors of the bar suddenly burst open as Sebastian rushes in, a look of concern on his face as though he's a man late for an important interview. He spies what's on the bar's television and, suddenly, looks quite embarrassed. "I um.." he pauses. "My television isn't working." He stands up a bit straighter, attempting to save face. "Has Germany performed yet?"

Toyah jumps in her seat as Sebastian barrels in. Then a shake of her head to his question. "Nope. They haven't been on yet...so unfortunately you're going to have to sit through it. UK at the moment. Another ballad. Lots of gold too."

"Well she held her big note and that's usually enough for Eurovision" Toyah adds.

"I really liked the staging of that one," Aurore says rather happily, offering the newly-arrived stranger a salute with her glass. "And she was nothing like Scooch or Jemini."

Next up is Cyprus. Their song written by the writer of a previous winner.

"All that fancy stuff on the stage floor must be pretty wasted for the live audience. The song's pleasant enough. I like the screeching noise...but I'm weird" Toyah grins.

Next up is Romania. Here comes rapping /and/ yodeling.

"Not like they can't buy a DVD or whatever of the event to catch all the fancy parts," Juli notes. And makes a face as the yodeling approaches. She takes a drink, not because of a game, but in preparation for the pain to come.

"Mm." He nods, as though he's not come to a bar for his guiltiest pleasure. He claims a seat somewhat off from the crowd, leaning forward to rest an elbow on his knee while he watches. He'll order a large beer when the waitress makes her round.

"I like it" Toyah grins about the Romanians. "But why bring cannons on stage and not fire them?" Seeing who is next up she waves over to Sebastian. "Germany's on now. Tall girl."

"... Why are there canons? Why did they not shoot glitter into the audience, or something?" Juli asks. Totally serious, if tipsy. Juliette points at Toyah. GREAT MINDS.

There's a smile across Sebastian's lips at the introduction of Germany's artist, but it's subtle. He does offer Toyah a nod of appreciation, however. Toyah shrugs at the German effort. "Pleasant enough but why have a wind machine with short hair?" And now the hosts are announcing the Eurovision Choir of the Year show. Toyah makes sure to be busy on that date. Next up is Ukraine and 'rawk!!!'.

Juliette clears her throat. "HOLOGRAMS," before chugging another drink. "Wait. Why don't they have the clocks on their chests like the video?"

"I guess Linkin Park are still big in the Ukraine" Toyah notes. "Though when you only have three minutes to do your song, why have such a long pause in it? They're no Lordi."

Next up is Belgium with a subdued electro song and a very shy singer.

"She gives the impression of a terrified animal in the headlights of an oncoming train. It's a nice enough song though not sure it works live. I still like it though" voices Toyah. "Oh, here comes the winner." Sweden.

Juli glances at Toyah. "With the treadmills?" She looks unconvinced.

Toyah leaps to her feet and cheers, whoops and generally makes embarrassingly loud noises in support. "What's wrong with the treadmill" she pouts at Juliette. "Oh, here comes the Slytherin guy." Bulgaria is up next with a 17 year old singer that looks about 12.

Aurore looks somewhat bemused. "Very slick, but... not sold on the song, Toyah. And yeah - c'mon, Slytherin!"

"Not sure if he hit all the right notes there. I bet he has to go home now. He has a paper run in the morning. Oh, no, last song!" bemoans Toyah, perhaps not seriously. France is up.

"Skinny brunette in a short dress, singing light pop in Franglais. How very French and very Eurovision," Aurore says with a laugh.

"Were her eyes way too far apart?" is what Toyah takes from that song. And here comes Ukraine's answer to Dame Edna Everage for another skit and the start of voting for the winner! Next will be some local entertainment so now's a good time to catch up.

"VERKA!" Juli continues to play by her own drinking rules.

"So who does everyone think will come second after Sweden?" Toyah asks with a teasing wink.

Sebastian pulls down the last of his beer. "I'd have to vote for Belgium."

Sebastian says, "...or perhaps Bulgaria. It's a tough decision. I'm impressed by Belgium's bravery, and Bulgaria's talent at such youth." Cue Juliette. "RUSLANA." Drink. Like clockwork.

"I suspect that Slytherin will do well for Bulgaria. Though I think that the guy who sang a duet with himself will get a lot of the votes of people who watch this for the strangeness," Aurore suggests, before sniggering at the commentary coming into one ear. "'If zombies did aerobics, it would look rather like this'," she quotes, tapping her earpiece.

"Shoot...it is Ruslana! Got to love female singers in chain mail" Toyah grins before laughing at Aurore's relayed comment. "Maybe they're plague victims? I think there were three seventeen year old performers. Bulgaria. Australia and...someone else."

Aurore shoots a grin to Toyah. "Belgium, I think. Hence her looking so terrified."

As interval act 'Electro-Acoustic Project' play, Toyah gets up and starts to groove. "Why couldn't these people been Ukraine's entry?"

Juli looks and blinks some more. "... the hell is that drum... rope... thing?" She shrugs, and drinks. 'Obscure native instrument' checked off a more traditional drinking list.

"Waaaay too many people on stage, I think. But yeah... suspicion was that Ukraine didn't want to run any risk of winning again. Hosting the thing's expensive, as Ireland found out rather harshly when they won it a couple of times in a row."

"I loved that!" Toyah giggles as the host finds an Australian in the crowd to represent crazy fans. Fair call. It's his fifth Eurovision. It's a long way to go...and expensive (I may have looked at going to Stockholm last year).

And now we meet the winner of Junior Eurovision. A girl from Georgia with a huge voice.

Next is last year's winner with a new song...and an Australian fan runs on stage to show off his butt. Ah...Australians. (It was later announced that the bum shower was a known Ukrainian troublemaker)

"Even mangling a few words, she was better than the Ukrainian hosts," Aurore says with a brow-lift... before snerking again.

Sebastian pulls his phone free from a jacket pocket taps away at a few keys, sealing his vote.

And voting is done! Now the results should only take about another hour...though it is quicker since the changes last year. Did the mooning Australian ruin their chances?

Jury voting is up first and Sweden gives their 12 points to Portugal.

"I love how the jury voting separate was supposed to speed things up but the jury member still prattles on and on" smirks Toyah as the next 12 goes to Belarus.

"It does vary a lot by how inept or desperate for attention the country and its presenters might be." Aurore chuckles, shaking her head at the San Marinian cardboard cut-out.

Portugal has now received three 12s out of 4 juries. Will the popular vote go the same way? And Israel is prattling on and on about their channel closing down.

Periodically, Juliette cheers when Portugal is mentioned, and damn near falls out of her chair upon seeing the monkey man still in costume.

"Even the juries are doing political blocs these days though, if you think about it, countries next to each other probably have the same musical tastes" Toyah notes before sinking another vodka.

Toyah stares. "Who the hell is on the Norway jury? The Lollipop Guild?"

Aurore snorts. "Apparently they're huge popstars in Norway..."

"I think the French jurist has lost half of her clothes. Luckily they were different sides between the dress and the jacket" smirks Toyah. "Portugal is running away with the jury but Australia won that last year and lost overall."

"It suits her," Aurore says happily... before laughing as some of the crowd boo Greece giving its ever-certain maximum points to Cyprus.

The hint of a grin rolls over Sebastian's lips when Bulgaria gains a few points.

The Bulgarian jurist looks rather bored when they cut to her after a short break. They give their 12 to Austria. Why not? Spain and Germany are still on 0 as Portugal get another 12.

"Is that Yoko Ono presenting from Australia?", Aurore asks, peering at the screen.

Good to see that Lin Lin Chang is still keeping the Australian cool up. Though she went with the square sunglasses rather than the bird nest around her neck. Still no votes for Spain and Germany. Toyah offering Sebastian a sympathetic smile.

The Netherlands jurist is dressed as a cowboy and has a dog...cue chat about dogs for hours. Though it turns out to be quite a brief story. Sebastian offers Toyah a tight smile in return. "I enjoyed our song."

"Good to see Cyprus returned the favor to Greece" Toyah notes. "No one else seems to be on the lovefest for those songs. Portugal is doing so well because it is so different to the others."

Aurore can't help but giggle at the Irish presenter's Oirish-accented venture into Ukrainian.

Juli is tiiiipsy over there, perking up a little every time Italy gets all the votes. "Mmmmmonkey."

"Germany has points!" Toyah points at the screen to get Sebastian's attention.

Toyah stares at the Belgian jurist. "Bad fashion does not go with those bad tattoos."

To Toyah, Sebastian shrugs. "It's funny, I enjoyed the performance of Spain more than my home country."

The jury votes are over and Portugal has a big lead. Bulgaria in second. Sweden third (robbed!) and Australia fourth. Now the longer votes from the popular vote. It will be done in a different order though. Up to 492 points still up for grabs.

"Looks like Portugal or Bulgaria. Two points for Australia seems quite harsh. And Sweden looks to end up fifth. Stupid contest" grumbles Toyah. And Portugal takes the prize! Hopefully his heart will hold out.

"He wants his sister to sing it for or with him. Wonder if they'll let it happen." Toyah knocks back the last of her shots and looks around at the others. "Same time next year?"

"That worked really nicely as a sweet little duet between them," Aurore observes after the victory performance - before cracking a grin at Toyah. "Sure. I can probably cope with more Eurovision after a year's recovery."

"If we're lucky, we'll have the same commentators next time around. Anything other than last years'," Juli replies.