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Candyfloss and Razorblades

xxxxxThere isn't much to say about Gert for most of the residents of Fallcoast. They see her sometimes whenever a fair sets up shop, of course. She's a staple in the local clowning community. Has been for a while now, ever since she blew into town with one of the various festivals. In between that, she's been known to do... odd jobs, mostly. Birthday parties and the like. She's certainly good at it, even if she has been known to leave quite a few parents feeling like they were lucky to escape with their lives. She's a bit weird, certainly - who walks around dressed like Charlie Chaplin, honestly? and those teeth - but she seems... well, not harmless, really, because she tends to put people on edge, but she certainly hasn't done anything yet. She's just one of those folks you see around, and usually cross the street to avoid.

xxxxxTo the Lost of the area, though, she's an established face in the city's Autumn Court, and one who revels in her role as one of the things that go honk in the night. She hangs about the fairgrounds, mostly, whether there's a fair there or not, and lurks in the darkness to... discourage the kiddies from wandering into the dangerous places. It isn't hard, really. Even without her natural assets, people tend to run away when a demonic clown lurches out at them from an alleyway, and then its mouth opens up and there's nothing but red and teeth and screaming.

xxxxxAutumn is about fear, after all, and for a lot of people, there is nothing more terrifying than the sound of squeaky shoes in the darkness behind the big top. So run for cover, kiddies.

xxxxxThe clown is coming.

The Motley

xxxxxGert is a diminutive, demonic clown, but not the one that most people tend to think of. There's no motley here, no bumbling, no pratfalls and wide smiles. She is the whiteface, and the expression she wears makes it very clear that, when the pies start flying, someone else is going to be the one getting splattered.

xxxxxShe's a tiny little thing, well under five feet in height, and seems to be built entirely out of sharp edges, with a sharp, severe face that perpetually sports a white greasepaint mask. A few deeply-etched lines at the corners of her eyes make it difficult to determine her age; she looks like she's in her late twenties to early thirties, but there are streaks of gray in her brown, tightly-bunned hair, and the cold glint in her eyes is one that isn't usually seen in someone so young. Those bright-green little eyes stand out all the more, not just because the vibrance of their color isn't seen in normal humans, but because her eyes are set within deep black circles of greasepaint.

xxxxxHer mouth, too, seems to be silently mocking those around her - it's an unnaturally long, fat-lipped slash of a thing that always seems to be curled upwards at the corners into a smile that one could only describe as "demonic". When she does actually open her mouth, or grin, there are far, far too many teeth visible, and they're too predatory, too pointed. Inhuman, occasionally serrated, occasionally fanglike. They gleam, and the impossibly deep red of her lips stands out far too sharply against the unnatural, sallow whiteness of her skin.

xxxxxShe doesn't have too much of a figure to speak of. She has narrow shoulders and wide hips, but this is the only real sign of a traditionally feminine build to be found. One would be tempted to call her "petite", but that word calls to mind a sense of shyness, or at least of impish energy. Gert carries herself too proudly for that. She stands up straight and tall, with her only-just chest pushed forward and her chin held high. One would almost think that she was trying to look down her nose at them if she wasn't so short.

xxxxxThe air of slightly callous pride is only enhanced by the outfit she's chosen. She wears an old-fashioned but perfectly tailored suit and tie, with the jacket usually left open. She would look the spitting image of Charlie Chaplin, complete with cane and bowler hat, if Charlie Chaplin's suit had been brown, and he himself had been given to staring so intensely at people that they might worry about catching fire. And she always sports a pair of brown leather gloves, no matter the weather.

xxxxxThe chill breeze around her carries a faint scent of popcorn, cotton candy, and dry straw, and those who get very close indeed might hear just the faintest hint of off-tune calliope in the distance.

The Attractions

  • Changeling
    Oh, very much so. And it's not too hard to peg her as one, either; those teeth are very hard to ignore.
  • Autumn
    I am the terror that honks in the night.
  • Scarecrow
    What's that, dearie? The Ministry? Never heard of it, I'm sure.
  • Charity Work
    She tours around children's hospitals putting on shows for the kiddies. Magic tricks and the like. Surprisingly good at it, too.
  • You'll Float Too
    There are dark places that good little boys and girls simply should not go - the fairgrounds at night, the dark caves out in the woods, the abandoned warehouse surrounded by dark rumors. Of course, Gert is not very good, so she's there all the time.
  • A Comedy Classic
    When Gert was snatched up by the Fae, radio was still in its golden age, Abbott and Costello were looking to be the next big thing, the first ever colored film had just been released, and World War II was just getting into full swing. Damn Nazzies.
  • The Full Freak Show
    The greasepaint conceals quite a lot, lovelies. There's far more to the clown than just the pointed teeth and a brilliant smile. She knows things she shouldn't, and she turns up when no one expects, and she dives in dreams, and from time to time she's even been called a witch - but, of course, how much of it is true, or if there's more to discover, is anyone's guess.
The Audience
Entitlement scarecrow ministry.png
Miss Maw
A proper freak. Lovely to have a few others around.
Entitlement scarecrow ministry.png
The Amazing Granite Girl
A little jumpy, aren't you, dearie? Not to worry. Auntie will keep you safe.
Past Performances



xxxxxxxxxxCourt autumn.pngSeeming ogre.pngEntitlement scarecrow ministry.png
"It is simply that, whatever the Jokes For Women group says, women are just not funny."

"It is a terrible affliction," Adora Belle agreed.
"An interesting dichotomy, in fact, since neither are clowns," said Vetinari.
"I've always thought so," said Adora Belle.

"They are tragic," said Vetinari, "and we laugh at their tragedy as we laugh at our own. The painted grin leers out at us from the darkness, mocking our insane belief in order, logic, status, the reality of reality. The mask knows that we are born on the banana skin that leads only to the open manhole cover of doom, and all we can hope for are the cheers of the crowd."
- Terry Pratchett, Making Money
Full Name: Gertrude Wexley
Birthdate: October 31st, 1916
Apparent Age: Indeterminate
Occupation: Hospital Clown
Virtue: Prudence
Vice: Pride
Sphere: Changeling
Court: Autumn
Seeming: Ogre
Kith: Gristlegrinder / Razorhands
Entitlement: The Scarecrow Ministry
Motley: None yet.
Keeper: The Arkham and Eversmith Traveling Circus
“White hat, white boots, white costume, and white face - and on that face, delineated in thin lines of red greasepaint, was a smile belying the real face, which was as cold and proud as that of a prince of Hell.”
- Terry Pratchett, Making Money
The Big Top
Mantle (Autumn) •••••
Presence •••••
Intimidation •••••
Expression •••••
Fighting Style: Biting ••••
Small-Framed ••
Striking Looks (Horrifying) ••
Striking Voice (Creepy) ••
"My paranoia wasn't always right, but just to be safe, I never went to sleep with a clown in the room."
- Mark Henwick, Hidden Trump
Center Ring
Intimidation Too Many Teeth
Expression Clowning, Stage Magic
"The laughing, joking court jester, who is in reality a Shaman, has all the respect of a king, for there has always been an element of danger lurking about beneath the surface of his smile."
- Karl Wiggins
Golden Oldies

Entry of the Gladiators - Julius Fucik

That Beautiful Sound - Beetlejuice: The Musical

The sound of a scream is music to me
A sound that says fifteen years' full-time therapy
Trauma and fear, it sings in my ear
Ain't it the sweetest noise around
That beautiful sound

This Is Halloween - The Nightmare Before Christmas

Tender lumplings everywhere
Life's no fun without a good scare
That's our job, but we're not mean
In our town of Halloween

The Addams Family - The Addams Family

They're creepy and they're kooky
Mysterious and spooky
They're all together ooky
The Addams Family