Logs:SASS - Episode Three

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SASS - Episode Three

Dramatis Personae

Sarah, Shyla, Guest: Ira, Texting: Kai

13 August, 2016


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Location

St. John's University


<SJU Radio> Sarah says, "Hello, everyone and welcome to the Sarah and Shyla Show! Tonight we have a special guest coming in to join us. A filmmaker of such importance that you probably all know his film...singular? Or many not. He's actually a professor here as well. We both watched the film last night and though I'm still not sure what the goat with the limp meant, it was pretty...umm...are you taking any of his classes, Shyla?"

<SJU Radio> Ditzy DJ Shyla seems a bit breathless when she gets on. Why does she always seem breathless before the show? "Hi! And no, I do not taking any of his classes. I mean, not that I don't want to. Or do want to. Or... ok, no offense meant, sir, but I'm not a film buff." A pause. "But even though I'm NOT a film buff, I must admit that the goat with the limp is OBVIOUSLY a reference to America's society handicapped by their own stubborn need for guns and mindless entertainment. A Duh."

<SJU Radio> Ira clears his throat. "The limping goat is in the director's cut. I'm afraid not that many people will know what you're talking about." His got an English accent, and he sounds just a titch frazzled. "Er, good evening, Saint John's. It's a pleasure to be here."

<SJU Radio> Sarah says, "Well Shyla has got to the heart of the matter even without a gist being needed. Maybe we should do movie reviews too? Anyway, Professor Ira Shain is with us here tonight as you can hear so we can get his insights too. As a text just informed me from our biggest fan, 'sometimes a goat is just a goat'. And sometimes a goat is a close personal friend. We're broadcasting to the whole city, Prof, and at least three people off campus listen to us. But before we get into the film studies, how about we interrupt this chat with some music. Take it away and we, and the Prof, will be right back. [1]

<SJU Radio> Ditzy DJ Shyla giggles, "That's right, we have tons of people listening! And I think I counted at least FOUR people off campus listening, Sarah, don't sell us short! Oh by the way, that was "Frankie Sinatra" by The Avalanches. Oh, and Sarah, you always get these texts from these "fans of the show". Don't tell me you are sending yourself messages, hmmm? So Mr. Shain, you need to relax, you seem all nervous and stuff. Do you need a drink? We have drinks! Like...what do you m.." Empty air for 1...2...3.. "HI! Would you like a nice glass of water, Mr. Shain? Just, your ordinary, H, Two, Oooooo k here is the next song." [2]

<SJU Radio> Ira says, "Sure, I'll take a drink." 1...2...3... "Ah, yes, water, that's fine. I'm not nervous, though, just glad to be here."

Shyla is dancing in her seat, whipping her hair from side to side, then grins at Sarah and Ira, wrinkling her nose cutely.

Ira grins and looks around for that drink, and he's not interested in water. If he doesn't ask the students' ages he can't know there's underaged drinking going on.

<SJU Radio> Sarah says, "Seriously, Shyla. Look at all the names of the people on that song. I think it was Panty Cantu featuring Wisin and David Correy with their lovely little ditty, La Copa de Todes...Cup of the Toads." A pause. "What? Oh, it was Paty Cantu not Panty. Feel free to pick out some songs for us, Prof. I think we'd all love to hear what you're into. So why don't you tell us when you started making movies and why?"

Shyla tilts her head as she looks at Ira curiously while he acts quite suspicious. The film professor is ignoring that water, hmmm... OH! She gives a look at Sarah quizzically, it is obvious who is the boss here! Apparently she's happy at whatever silent motion the darker-skinned girl must have given her, or perhaps she just does it anyway, but Shyla takes off her headphones and bounces out of her seat! With a twirl on one foot, she goes to her purse where she takes out a small bottle of... something. She pours it into a glass with some ice and hands it to Ira with a bright smile then saunters back to her seat.

<SJU Radio> Sarah adds, "And, no, I don't text myself, it's just our fan doesn't like to be named."

Sarah nods to the addition of firewater to the drink for Ira. And then gestures for some herself.

<SJU Radio> Ditzy DJ Shyla still is humming the tune of the latest song, apparently not listening to what is GOING ON RIGHT NOW. This humming is cut short as she clears her throat, "Errr.. Yeah, please share with us your musical tastes and... whatever question Sarah asked you."

Ira takes the drink and raises it in a silent thank-you, then he takes a swallow. Ah, this is the stuff.

Shyla takes off her headphones again and makes her way to Sarah, giving a glass of the alcohol to her as well. When she turns to make her way back to her seat, it does look like she is swaying her hips a bit more than usual.

Shyla seems to get a text and due to the lighted up look on her face, it is something she is really pleased about.

Sarah downs the offered drink in one go...cue squinting and off mic coughing. She looks over to Ira and gives him an encouraging smile.

<SJU Radio> Ira says, "I was sick a lot as a child, and I had a little handheld camera my da gave me. I spent a lot of time alone, 'resting,' and making up stories to stay sane. When I felt well, I took the camera around to make movies so I'd have something to watch when I was in bed again." He laughs a little. "Sounds rather terrible, doesn't it?" He hastily adds, "Anyway! Music, right. I'm into early punk right now."

<SJU Radio> Sarah asks, "Early punk? So things like 'Blink 182'? I'm sure we can find something. So you had a camera phone then? That was nice of your da. Do you remember what your first movie you made was? While the Prof is thinking on that...sheesh, Shyla, that's some powerful water...here's some early punk. [3]

Now that there's some real drinking to be hand, Ira's fine. He's not dressed like a professor. T-shirt with a logo from one of My Chemical Romance's albums, tattered jeans. Still, students make him uneasy. They treat him like a grown up. He has another drink, and as the song starts to play, he grins. Ah yes, that's the stuff. Ramones and booze.

Shyla takes some of that drink herself, of course, although it's from another different looking bottle. Curious. At any rate, her already hyperness seems to be ramped up a bit, if that is possible, the girl rocking to the Ramones, pointing at Sarah with both hands in that gun motion, "Bam Bam Bam" she mouths as the song does that line.

<SJU Radio> Ditzy DJ Shyla woooos! "The Ramones! Yes! I love them! And the one song that I know! "I Wanna Be Sedated" which I don't! Yay! At any rate, Ira, can I call you Ira, cool, I already started, so I can't stop now. Please DO answer Sarah's question, because I have a very VERY important question to ask afterwards."

<SJU Radio> Ira says, "When I was thirteen I was out for a walk and saw a tansy beetle chewing up some tansy, so I filmed it, then added a voice-over, documentary-style, only it was from the bug's perspective. There were some sketchy attempts at jokes. It was _terrible._ I hope the footage has been destroyed. I have no idea what happened to it."

<SJU Radio> Ditzy DJ Shyla says, "Mmhmm, Mmhmmm.. Interesting." she says almost... oh let's be honest, definitely dismissively. "OK, so the very important question I have is actually a question from one of our listeners. NOT our super-fan that seems to like Sarah more than me, but someone else. They want to know..." She pauses for dramatic effect, "Stunt butt or no Stunt butt. Inquiring minds want to know!" And this is when you could just imagine her with her elbows on the table, cradling her chin in her hands as she stares expectantly at the poor professor. "Oh! And yes, I guess this wouldn't be considered punk, but I think at least one of the parts in there is. Enjoy!" [4]

<SJU Radio> Sarah says, "I guess everyone has to start somewhere. Some people even finish there. I'm sure it is very funny and we would all love to see it. So if you have it out there, put it on Youtube and the teacher's Facebook site...and we'd all love to hear about this stunt butt too. Thank you, listener. That song was 'Greatest Man That Ever Lived' by Weezer and this song isn't." [5]

<SJU Radio> Ira waits until the song is over, and one can almost hear him facepalming. "That was my arse," he says with a low laugh. Then he groans. "There's artistic merit to the scene, I'd like to think." He then says, "Oh, and if you find that film and put it online, I'll fail you. Even if you're not in one of my classes, I'll find a way."

<SJU Radio> Sarah says, "There you go, world. You heard it here. That trim little ass that fills up the whole of the screen...can't wait for the IMAX version...belongs to the Professor. Oh...another text from our fan...who would like to thank the Professor for making a movie that cures his insom...umm...how about we not finish that. So, Prof, what are you working on now? Other than failing us. Answer right after this. [6]

<SJU Radio> Ira utters a long-suffering sigh. "That's why I do it. For the fans." He clears his throat. "Anyway, I've just bought a little studio, and I'll be holding auditions soon for a little project I've been working on. There's a lot of talent in this town. I think it'll be a good project."

Shyla gets another text which makes her blink a few times, then she gently places her phone on the table next to her. She's making that "Okaaaaaaaaayyy" face.

Sarah looks over the desk and raising a questioning brow in a 'everything okay' fashion.

Ira's brows lift curiously. He takes a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and gestures with them in the universal sign for 'may I fill your studio with cancer gas?'

<SJU Radio> Ditzy DJ Shyla says, "Still, let me comment about butts, because I like butts, we all like butts." Wait for it. "And I can not lie." Terrible. "And you know, if bare butts are in a movie for artistic reasons then I think today's films need to be MORE artistic, hehehe." Her 'evil' giggle is almost at a machine-gun staccato. "At any rate, I just got an interesting text from someone. They want to know how you feel about the adult film industry. And... would you respect someone who started directing adult films, then getting into more "legit" filmatography? By the way, I found a punk song! Woo, as per Sarah's suggestion a little while ago..." And with a very bad attempt at muffling another giggle that ends with a little snort, she plays.. "Oh! And forgot to mention Sarah's song before, what the heck was THAT about? "I Like It", which I didn't, by Foxy Shazam. Also the song after, which was better. "Invaders Must Die" by The Prodigy." [7]

<SJU Radio> Ira laughs quietly at Shyla's antics, then he sighs. The butt thing. "I think it comes down to the director's talent and where they're going with their art. The adult film industry is problematic, to say the very least, but if that's where you get your start, that's where you get your start. I respect the art you're doing now, though I suppose there are some things out there that would take a bit to live down."

<SJU Radio> Ditzy DJ Shyla mhmms mhmms again, "I wouldn't expect them to use their real name when filming one of those movies, although I guess if they start becoming famous directing normal movies people will start digging..." She pauses as if she is searching for more stuff to ask. Has this girl even done her homework? "Soooo.... what do you think of the latest blockbusters? Do you like popular, "Hollywood", movies? Or have they been too commercialized. AH, here it is, I've been looking for this song." [8]

Ira arches a brow at Shyla. Did she even do her homework? Hmmmmm? Tch. He's helped himself to enough 'pure wholesome water' he's starting to look pretty happy, eyes low-lidded and a smiles lingering on his lips. Mellow prof is mellow.

<SJU Radio> Ira says, "That was Time Bomb by Rancid. I like the music you play on this show by the way. I tune in just about every weekend. As for blockbusters, I think right now our box offices are spoiled for choice. Even some of the remakes are excellent. I'm a big Marvel fan, so of course I'm biased. Of course there are bombs, and you're always going to have films dripping with cloying Hollywood sentiment, but I like some of the stuff the mainstream is putting out these days."

<SJU Radio> Ditzy DJ Shyla gasps, "Hey now, Sarah walks out for a second and already you're doing her job, naming songs and stuff! Tsk tsk... So anyway, we're getting close to that time again. You know, the end of the show, so you'll stop hearing the dulcet sound of my voice, HA!" Ok, not quite so dulcet-y right then. "Do you have anything you want to say to Fallcoast? Any words of advice for young filmakers out there?"

<SJU Radio> Ira laughs as he says, "I wanted to do one. Thank you so much for having me on the show. I'd like to say thank you to Fallcoast. I came because I got a job offer from the University, but since then I've come to think of this place as home. Let's see, what else... for aspiring filmmakers, I would say the first ten thousand hours of footage you shoot are going to be crap. Shoot them anyway, because you'll look at the ten thousand and first, and you'll think that's not so bad actually. Then things start getting good."

<SJU Radio> Sarah asks, "Feet? You know that people don't use film anymore, right. Thanks to our guest, Professor Ira Shain, SJU's very own Paul Feig and remember what he said about starting up a filmmaking community in Fallcoast. There was actually an actress last year who was talking up the same thing but I believe in the Prof more. So, it's goodnight from me and goodnight from Shyla and we'll play out with the radio station's theme tune. Catch you next week. [9]

Shyla pops off her earphones and leans back on her chair, "Aaaaahhh, Sarah, that went well, I think. What do you think, Ira?" Oh, look at her, acting all familiar with one of her 'betters'.

Ira laughs, because that song! Never fails to amuse. He stretches, then he says, "I think that went well. I don't know why I'm more nervous talking on a local radio station than doing ComiCon. I think it's because I have to see these people. It's a small town." He swirls his drink in his glass, then polishes it off. Eh, it's Saturday and he's a little drunk. He won't tsk at the familiarity. This time.

Sarah nods to the engineer before announcing, "Clear' to the room. "And all these people have now seen you naked" she winks to the professor as she removes her headphones. "And it's a much bigger town than where Shyla and I come from. It's quite an upscale for us. So what /are/ you working on at the moment, Prof?"

Ira shakes his head sadly. "It's just a couple seconds of my arse," he says. "You'll see that during prime time in Britain. I don't think anyone there noticed. Of course we never thought the film would get anywhere." He sighs. The butt. He will never live it down. He takes a cigarette from the pack and taps it idly against his palm. "I'm not sure yet. I have a few ideas bouncing around. Nothing with a huge budget, I can tell you that. Fallcoast lends itself so well to horror though, doesn't it?"

Shyla starts to pack up after finishing her drink, raising the glass to tilt it 90 degrees so she could look at the bottom with that little pout of hers. Placing the glass back down, she picks up her bag and gets up quickly, making her chair spin about on its wheels behind her. "Nice to meet you, Ira, maybe I'll see you around on campus? Well, hopefully only your clothed version, right?" She giggles and winks before looking at Sarah expectantly, "I'll meet you back at the dorms, Sarah?"

"I'm coming, Fluffikins" Sarah smiles and stands. "Best of luck, Prof, I'm sure we'll hear much more about you. Hey, Shyla, do you think we'd get in trouble doing a 'best butt on campus' competition? Staff only of course." She finishes off her drink and gives him a fingerwave before heading out with her roomie.

Ira gathers up his things and tucks the cigarette to the corner of his lips. "You would get in trouble," he informs Sarah, though not without humor. "Don't worry, my bare-all days are over. I'm strictly behind the camera now. Thank you again for having me."